Thursday December 4, 2008

Pregnancy has left my brain a bit more addled than usual, so it is only fitting that my post reflect my state of mind.

I have decided that the phase “she is so pregnant she looks like she could pop”, is a very crass and disturbing thing to say.  First:  comparing a pregnant woman to a large inflated balloon is  insulting.  Second: to imply that her tummy is going to spontaneously combust is a ridiculous and terrifying image to plant in a somewhat emotionally unstable mind.

“Emotionally unstable mind” brings me to my next thought.  It is not a good idea to comment on a pregnant woman’s figure.  You may think (and rightly so) that what you are saying is kind and reasonable, but her mind is not working right.  It is temporarily damaged by the amount of hormones that are coursing through her body.

For example:

What was said:  “Wow, you’re really popping out !  Are you having twins?”
What she heard:  “Wow, you’ve gotten really huge!”

What was said:  “You must be having a girl.  You’re carrying your baby out to the side.”
What she heard:  “You must be having a girl.  You’re as wide as a battle ship.”

What was said:  “You must be having a boy, you’re carrying him way out front!”
What she heard: “You must be having a boy, you look like you swallowed a beach ball!”

What was said:  “Honey you look so uncomfortable, you must be so ready to have that baby.”
What she heard: “Not only are you are you really fat, but you look bad too.”

My advice when speaking to a pregnant woman… just lie.  No matter what she really looks like just tell her she looks lovely.  Someday (when she’s once again capable of rational thinking) she will look at pictures of herself and realize that you lied to her, and she will love you all the more for it.  If you can’t bring yourself to lie, that’s o.k; you don’t have to say anything at all. 

My last piece of random advice (which is mostly directed at men): never try to guess a woman’s due date, you will only make a fool of yourself and possibly make a grown woman cry.


7 thoughts on “Thursday December 4, 2008

  1. inanorchard

    Ah yes,  the baby bump.  It always reminds me of a speed bump.  I just think it’s ironic that no other time would you freely discuss a woman’s figure (if it’s too big, if it’s too small etc..) except when she’s pregnant and not in the best state of mind.

  2. H0LDfast

    ah – thank you for the late night laugh! seriously you made me laugh out loud : )
    all very true.
    but now everything i say about you will just be taken for lies . . . surely you have to have a few decently working brain cells left to discern my honesty!!
    love  you ~


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