What I know, What I remember

What I know about this picture:

She screamed the entire time it took to fill up the tub *  I came in no less the four times to tell to her to stop making tidal waves in the bath *  In typical 3-year-old fashion she insisted on doing everything herself *  She was furious with me when she got soap in her eyes *  I got almost as wet as she did during the whole process *  She spilled the basket of wet toys which scattered across the bathroom floor *  By the end of the day she looked like she had never even taken a bath *

What I will remember about this picture:

The way we both burst into laughter when I came around the corner and saw her wearing those lopsided goggles*  The little song she made up about the turtle and the fireman *  How she kissed the palm of my hand when I was drying her off *  How perfect her head smells after a bath*  The way I chased her around the house yelling, “Ahh!  Naked baby!  Pinch the buns!”, and the way she squealed and laughed until she gave herself the hiccups.


I realize that there is a disconnect between what I know and what I remember.  I am not a historian dictating facts for future generations.  I’m a mother.  Everyday I try to leave behind yesterday’s frustrations, mistakes, regrets, and tiredness, while at the same time holding onto the things that give me hope; that make me smile.

So here’s to fact and fond memories, and this beautiful life that is held perfectly in tension between the two.


20 thoughts on “What I know, What I remember

  1. forreal16ac

    Wow, what a great post. Most of the time we get caught on the “what I know,” when we should really be focusing on the “what I remember.” Thank you so much for sharing this.

  2. down_onthefarm

    how do you do that?  you said it profoundly and simply and just right. i love this april!

    reminds me of our conversation about blogging. when i want to share what’s hard…and can? i will. i’m not trying to be real. please don’t guess my motive. and when i share something warm fuzzy-ish, i’m not hiding or pretending or pollyanna-ing. i just want to think and write about,”holding onto the things that give me hope; that make me smile.”

  3. H0LDfast

    this just might be my very favorite post of yours ever.
    i read it from facebook a couple hours ago …. ahhh, so beautiful. seriously.
    ok, it is my favorite : )

  4. lifeisadance

    This is SO precious and tender.
    It seems that only a mother could undestand how the emotions of exasperation and overflowing love can be simultaneous. :)
    I love how your write, April. You’re so gifted!

  5. MyNovemberGuest

    This is a beautiful post, as everyone else has pointed out.  =)  I think your outlook is one that keeps so many mothers sane.  Without memories held in a mindset like this, I would have long-since pulled out all of my hair.  ;P  LOL


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