Before you read this post it is important for you to understand where I am coming from, what is in my heart. The following thoughts and questions are the result of my own personal reflections. Me looking into my life, and my thoughts, and seeing things I don’t like. Areas that need changing, attitudes that are destructive, focuses that are not healthy or helpful. Please bear that in mind as you read on.
I have been listening a lot lately. Asking myself questions. Trying to get to the bottom of this check I feel in my spirit.
I look at the woman who gets up an hour early every weekday morning and goes to the gym. I envy her body, I admire her discipline and her rock firm abs. But to the woman who gets up early every morning to clip coupons, in an effort to save money and be a good steward of what God has given her, I laugh and roll my eyes. Why? Why do I do that?
I speak admirably of the woman with the enviable wardrobe, full of all the styles and brands that I know so well. While privately I ridicule the woman who treats her husband like a king. The one who, after so many years of marriage still lights up when she sees him, and never passes up an opportunity to praise him. I shake my head and say, “Oh she’ll grow out of that soon enough” or, “Sheesh you’d think they were newlyweds.” When truth be told, it’s not something she should ever “grow out of”, and making sarcastic comments about one’s husband is not a sign of maturity (again, this is me pointing a finger in my own chest).
I sometimes wonder, as women, are we really bringing out the best in each other? Are we (am I) admiring things that are worthy of my admiration? What is the message we are sending each other? When I see a woman who is striving for excellence am I encouraging her, or am I a stumbling block to her? Do I let my own insecurities get in the way? I fear that all too often I am a stumbling block. I am realizing that my own thoughts and attitudes affect more than just myself. I am learning that we are connected to each other in ways we don’t always acknowledge.
I want to change. I want to be a help to my sisters in the Lord, not a hindrance. I want to cheer for you! Not hold you at a level that makes me feel comfortable and safe. I have a long way to go, but I’m ready to start.