Tag Archives: humor

Further Fashion Failures

 

Other titles considered for this post:  Pinterest Makes me Ugly,  Hobo Chic,  Why I love Pony Tail Holders
{but really you can’t beat a good alliteration}

I wish this was the type of blog that provided useful, easy fashion fixes, but I can only work with what I’ve got, and most of my fashion adventures are of the blooper variety.  As many of you know, for the last year or so I’ve been growing out my hair.  When you pair “awkward grow-out phases” with  my complete inexperience with long hair it all adds up to a lot of bad hair days.  Needless to say I’m always on the look for out for useful styling tips and easy/attractive hair solutions.  Pinterest if full of hair styling ideas and I’m a sucker for a good hair gimmick so I thought I would give it a go.

I settled on a method that was supposed to achieve “sexy, relaxed beach curls” in three easy steps.  Step one: divide damp hair into sections, step two: twist sections and pin to your head, step three: when dry remove bobby pins and gently run fingers through hair.  The result was a beautiful, natural looking, perfectly wavy hair.  Some bloggers suggested doing this right before bed and sleeping on it, while other bloggers said to just twist your hair in the early morning, and in a few hours the curls would be ready to go.  Since sleeping on a bunch of twisted bobby pins sounded totally unappealing I opted for the daytime method.   I carefully divided and pinned my hair and waited the prescribed two hours.  After two hours my hair was still very damp so I waited another hour.  When it became clear that my hair was never going to dry of it’s own accord, and that it was possible starting to mildew I decided to deviate from “three easy steps”.  I rummaged through the bottom of my bathroom cabinets and pulled out my never-been-used hair diffuser/ blow dyer attachment, and started blowing my hair dry.  After several minutes of blow drying it still wasn’t dry, so I left the pins in for another 40 minutes and tried blowing them dry again.  “Fast and easy” were quickly being crossed off the list, so I was now holding out for “looks fabulous”.

Before I do the big picture reveal; let me just recap for you the actually steps involved in this hair style-

Step one: it is best to start this process with an attitude of gullible optimism
Step two: divide damp hair into sections
Step three: twist and pin sections of hair to your head
Step four: wait two hours
Step five: wait another hour
Step six: assure your oldest son for the 10th time that you will not go into town looking like that
Step seven: find hair diffuser
Step eight: blow dry hair not once but twice
Step nine:  remove pins and gently run fingers through hair AND…..

TAAA DAAA!!!


Okay, so… it’s not really that sexy beach wave look.  It’s more like the “I’ve been living under a bridge” look. Or what I like to call the “Nick Nolte Mugshot” look.


Tucking behind the ears does not help.


I have no words…

I tried combing it out for a sleeker, softer appearance

Still not working


What is up with the look on my face?

I think the lessons we can all take away from this cautionary tale are: if it sounds to good to be true then it’s too good to be true, and... pony tail holders are your friend.
 

7 Completely unwild things about me

I’ve been tagged, and the time has come to answer the tag. This is for you @bethro78.

1.   When I was young I wanted to be a marine biologist.  Science was my worst subject, but I thought that fish were pretty and I liked sea otters, and that’s really all the thought I put into that decision.  This is why parents should never encourage children to follow their dreams.

2.  My Scottish accent sounds suspiciously like my French accent.

3.  Secretly I’m a redhead.

4.  I don’t wear lipstick.  I don’t like the way it looks on me.  I can never shake the feeling that my head has turned into a giant pair of lips.

5.  I love jelly bellies.  For our honeymoon we stayed in the sweetest little cabin on Orcas Island.  It had a huge bed with a goose down comforter, and a jar of jelly bellies sitting on the bedside table.  It was perfect.

6.  I don’t like sad movies, but I love a sad song.

7.  I was born on Easter Sunday (see I told you I’m not at all wild)

I think everyone I know has been tagged so I will forgo the tagging process.  Thanks for the fun Beth :)

~April

The Fluff between my ears

Here’s the trouble with Pinterest (other than it being a huge, glorious time sucker, and all the fabulous fattening recipes), Pinterest makes me believe I can do/wear things that I would otherwise never think to do/wear.  All these stylish pin boards full of the latest, greatest fashions, all right at my fingertips.  I start pinning these photos to my own board.  It seems harmless.  I pin so many, so often, that I start confusing my fashion pinboard for my closet.  I walk into a store armed with images of what I think I now look like and I start shopping.  I load my cart up and head to the dressing room.  And here is were reality and fantasy have a head on collision.  Pinterest and the real world are not the same thing.

Example:  I love the layered look.  It looks so fun and carefree!  Like you just open up your closet and wear every darling thing you own all at once, and it magically looks amazing… every.time.

 
Image found on pinterest.

 
Image source
I’ve been reading Shannon’s blog for over a year now and I love her style.  She is the queen of cute preppy layering.

Here’s what happens when I try the “effortless, carefree layering”
  


Turns out it’s not so carefree.  It’s kind of stressful.  You can’t just throw any shirt with any sweater.  Width and color of belts make a big difference.  Shirts and sweaters must be the right length so they don’t look bulky or hit at unflattering places.  And layers add thickness.  I don’t want any additional thickness; thank you very much!  Then you have to struggle through the whole “do I tuck in?”, “leave tails out?” dilemma.  It’s a wonder I ever manage to get dressed.

One hour later I’m no closer to being dressed and this is what my room looks like~

My husband walks in the bedroom and sees the wreckage and knows that this is not a good sign.  He quietly and quickly exits.  He is baffled.

What men don’t understand about the statement, “I don’t have anything to wear” is that we are not having a wardrobe crisis… we are having and identity crisis.  Somewhere, somehow I woke up and had become “frump mom”.  Blue jeans, plain colored tee, flat-wearing… frump mom.  I didn’t mean to turn into “frump mom” but it happened.  I don’t want to be frump mom. I want to be one of these ladies…

I want to be girl in sundress walking down the beach,

or girl in cute jacket pedaling through the country, or bohemian girl in the Indi-rock band, and I’m pretty sure all I need is the appropriate wardrobe to make that happen. And this is the part of the post were I’m supposed to have an epiphany, or come up with some clever, heart-warming solution, but I’ve got nothing.  Some days you look good, some days you look weird, some days you give up and stay in your sweats… and I think that’s all pretty normal.

To continue with my fluffy, utter-lacking-in-substance post, my hair is getting long!

“Long” obviously being a relative term.  I’m still struggling to know what to do with it on a daily basis.  My entire adult life I’ve never had long hair.  There are times I storm into the bathroom with scissors in hand, ready to chop it all off… but I talk myself down from the ledge, remind myself that I promised to let it grow until it gets down to my back and I pull the whole unruly mop into a pony tail. 
ps~this was a good hair day so I took a picture to document the anomaly

So here’s to comfy sweat pants, pony tail holders, and those rare but wonderful “awesome outfit” days.

~April